maybe world

procrastinatory stuff 3.2.1.... go.

I have always been a B+ student... partly because I wanted a social life and partly because I have the perfect mix of egotism and low self-esteem. Things should come to me, I think... so I arrive late. This makes me mad (I need to not be late. It's much too self-indulgent), and has caused several fights between me and my father-- who is himself a type A procrastinator. I suppose we hate in others what we think other people hate in us.

I spent last evening drinking with a collection of women who had just broken up with their men. The main theme of the night-- how is it that you can think you know someone so well, and then suddenly they shock you? They tell you to fuck off, you find out that they write secret e-mails to strangers, they snorted cocaine the night they were supposed to meet you at the bar (the last one didn't happen... but it might have).

I walked home listening to my ipod. Drunk. Sad and comfortable music was the theme. The kind of music that lets you listen to your footsteps and enjoy how cold your hands are. You remember the warm chests of the men you've slept with, the ones that heat up your hands between their legs.

It's just a matter of yes, I suppose. Although I seem to prefer the constant maybe.